he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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