He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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