I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
