I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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