and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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