if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
