when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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