We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
