my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
