Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm like, not good at living.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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