I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
