so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
