before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
