you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
