Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
