god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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