at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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