even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
