i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
