On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
