I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
