Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
