Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
