First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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