i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
