we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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