you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
