I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
