The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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