I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
