how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
