i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
