And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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