What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So many bounce houses so little time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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