very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You ate ashes out of my bong
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
