I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
