Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
