Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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