I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The air was thick with penises
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
