Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
