checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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