oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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