i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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