Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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