I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
