i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
