This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
