Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
