I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I am available for nakedness
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
