New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
