matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
