You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
