This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
