I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
