you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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