He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
