I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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