I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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