i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
