Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
