My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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