I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
