I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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