whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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