I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
whose parrot is this?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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