you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
