he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
