So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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