That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
