so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
