Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize