I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
