Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
