You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
