yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
