I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
