so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
