Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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