I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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