I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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