dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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