Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
