Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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